Ten Tips on Dealing with Anger

. . . from nine wise women interviewed for Warm Cup of Wisdom: Inspirational Insights on Relationships and Life

  1. I use an old badminton racquet, and I pound the heck out of a pillow. I do this at home, by myself, when no one is around. You would be surprised what you can unload.
  2. We need outlets for our anger. I find that physical exercise helps.
  3. Ideally, I would like to be able to say, “I really didn’t like what you did. What can we do about that?”
  4. I learned to use “I” language: I feel, I think, I believe, I want, I need. Instead of saying, “You need to stop doing that,” say, “I want you to stop doing that because when you do that I feel . . .”
  5. I’ve learned that anger may be a manifestation of depression. Sometimes sadness or anger at yourself gets turned outward.
  6. When I’m super angry, I try to disengage. I say, “I’m just not able to talk about this right now. Can we talk about this tomorrow?”
  7. The older I get, the more I realize there are situations that I need to look at and say, “No, I’m not going to get angry about that. I don’t have any spare emotional energy to spend on that.”
  8. In a meeting, if things are going badly, I will get quiet. If I have to talk, I will talk very quietly and slowly because I find that that calms things down and focuses on the right things.
  9. Change and conflict are givens. The question is not how to avoid conflict but how to handle it.
  10. Never leave a person until you can make him laugh.

About dorijonesyang

As a former journalist in Hong Kong, I love writing books that bridge the gap of understanding between China and America. My new book, When the Red Gates Opened: A Memoir of China's Reawakening, will be published in September 2020.
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